edwad:

*phone rings*
“hello”
“hi! is your refrigerator running”
“yes it is”
“mine is as well! can’t wait to see your fridge at the race tomorrow”

knightscrest:

damn, i just got SERVED. by my waitress. this restaurant is excellent.

dandylyingwishes:

I love people who make me forget that I’m shy

solluxcraptor:

"you’re too cute to be single!"

then date me

politicallyincorrectwalrus:

i love the term “partners”
are we dating?
are we robbing a bank?
do we run a legal firm?
are we the dedicated detectives who investigate these vicious felonies and are members of an elite squad known as the special victims unit?
who knows.

5060072089124:

*accidentally showers for 5 hours*

icorly:

mike wazowski opens up a tattoo shop called Monsters Ink

(Source: asscrab)

clrafting:

when you see someones wing wang on omegle 

image